Damoncord

Blowing your nose can improve your ability to breathe and smell. Blowing your nose whilst taking a dump only improves your sense of smell. #LFMF

Yes, your cat Felix is big. He's black. And he behaves at times like a dick. However, never say "I love my big black dick." #LFMWife's fail.

When you lock the cat in the bathroom with you and he starts begging for you to pet him just push him away. Don't throw the toilet paper at him. He will mock you by batting it as far away from you as he can.

Just because your American Sign Language teacher is deaf, doesnt mean the rest of the class can't. So when you fart, everyone will hear, laugh, and the teacher will have no idea what's so funny. Also: being deaf has no effect on your ability to smell. #LFMF

When going to a nightclub that uses blacklights, remember that your shirt is thin and your white bra will glow like a beacon under it. Everyone will spend all night staring at your "headlights".

Good idea: Doing a S&M photo shoot. Bad idea, scheduling a OB/GYN appointment for the following day. Your doctor will see the massive bruises, she will not believe you do it for pleasure , you will have to sit threw a 30 minute talk about therapists and shelters in your area.

Don't think that just because there were loads of nursing jobs when you started your 4 year nursing degree that there will be when you finish said degree.

Microwaving a wet kitchen sponge is an effective way to kill germs. Microwaving a dry kitchen sponge sets the sponge on fire.

Never let your dumb friends see this website. They will think all these fails are good ideas. And they will try every single one.