Driinex

Finding a guy who loves to read: Win! Finding out that his favorite book is Mein Kampf: Fail. #LFMF

When using spray paint, always wear goggles. Especially if you're already wearing glasses. Unle...

Me:The aisle with only belts is the most boring aisle to be standing waiting for you to pick one ...

(After graduating from med school) Dad: I always knew you were the smart one. I had you trained ...

Mom: Get sexy, we're going to Target.

Mom: Do drugs, get pregnant, become a crack whore, ANYTHING! Just DON'T drop the cheesecake!

Grandma: So, have you been kissing any boys lately? Me: *nods* Grandma: Have you been swapping ...

Mom arrives home from the market: WE HAVE MORE JUNK FOOD THAN A POT FARM!

My mother: If you do that again, I'm going to sacrifice you on an altar.

Dad: Yah, I started getting anxiety attacks about... 20 years ago. Me: Dad... I'm 20 Dad: Yah q...