HayleyKat

(While trying to explain what pork rinds are) Mom: It's like if bacon was cotton candy!

DAD: I used to work at the restaurant over there as a elevator attendant. ME: Cool! Was it fun? ...

Me: OW! Mom: What? Me: I cut myself pretty deep, its bleeding bad. Mom: Oh no! Here, use this...

Me: What did Dad want to name me? Mom: Stormy. But I told him no because, ya' know, the job opti...

My Brother: Should i teach my poke'mon protect? My mom: Is it going to have sex?

Me: Dad, why does my name only have two letters...? Dad: Because, I case you grew up stupid I di...

*my younger brothers are playing Runescape* Me: I see you're good at breeding geeks. Mum: Yeah,...

Me: Mom, your button is coming undone. Dad: What, you don't like to see your mom's cleavage?!

(To my sister) Mom: Dont drive in heels. Dad: Yea, its hard. Me and Sister: How do you know!?

Mom: Go outside and play with your friends, the Playstation will be here when you get back. Dad:...

*Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door* Mom: *opens the door and is about to close it* Jehovah Wi...

88 year old Grandpa: You're not drunk until you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling...

(talking about things I want to do this summer) Me: I think I would like to try bungee jumping t...

Cousin: Why do they call it "spooning"? Mom: Because it happens after the "forking".

me: why cant i wear that shirt mom: it might offend THE GAYS!

Mom: Don't get one of those memory foam mattresses. They're great for sleeping but not for other...

(Dad watching Courtney Love on TV): "Damn! If I was her husband I'd kill myself..."

Mom: WHY DOES MY VAGINA SMELL LIKE FABREEZE?

Dad (Leaving for School): Alright be good now. And if you can't be good, don't get caught.

Me: Can I get you something to drink? Mom: A mocha vodka Valium latte. With foam.

(Talking grumpily about the newspaper and giving the paper boy a tip) Dad: I'll give the paper b...

Sister: All my high school friends that I keep in contact with are on the West coast. Dad: None ...

(after stalling over and over again learning to drive) Dad:*sigh* Your mother should have swallo...

Dad: When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a narwhal! Me:Why? Dad: 'Cause narwhals are cool!

Mom: So, what're you doing tonight? Me: I am going on a date. How about you two? Dad: We are go...

My mom was on the phone with a telemarketer. Mom: Hey, can you do me a favor and call me back wh...