IvanAru's Favorites

  • Me:Night Dad, I'm going to bed Dad:Have PG rated dreams! Me:...
  • (conversation about snacks) Grandma: We can make trail mix, I've got some cereal in the freezer....
  • Mom: You like cocaine? I thought I was the one who likes cocaine!
  • (After buying a Harry Potter wand for a friend) Mom: Too bad you didn't spend more so that you c...
  • Grandma noticed her cat was pregnant Grandma: (yelling and angy) I'm so sick of everybody havi...
  • (Speaking of my fiance's job) Grandmother: He's not doing Porn, is he?!?! Me: No, Grammy, he's ...
  • (Talking to Dad, a former Marine) Me: Dad, are the Marines a branch in the Navy? Dad: Amanda,...
  • me: i want to dye my hair black. grandmother: but you'll look like one of them nemo kids i see i...
  • *talking to my mom, a Dutch immigrant, about my trip to the Netherlands* Me: [Fries with mayo a...
  • Dad: I do not approve of you losing your son on vacation, so don't do it. Huh, "These Actions are...
  • Mom: I never knew Japan was an island. I thought it was... you know... attached to the rest of th...
  • Grandma: Ohhh, a hair dryer for Christmas thanks so much, dear! Me: You're welcome. Grandma: ...
  • Grandma: "Jules, you have such a nice chest why can't you get one of those college boys?"
  • Dad: Actually, your life insurance is worth more than mine and mom's, and since you don't work, y...
  • Mom: Do you want some Tylenol? Son: Nah, I took some pills dad gave me. Mom: Did you ask what t...
  • Dad: You're lame. Me: Why am I lame? Dad: I don't know. I guess you can't help it. Me: Oh, bec...

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