JackSupreme

Mom: (to me) Stop looking at the mirror when I'm talking to you! You're not even pretty!

Mom: *scrolling through movies on TV* Hey, there's this movie about a guy who was abused by his m...

(We're watching something about a man who was murdered) Mum: "May I turn off the tv?" Grandmother: "No, I want to see if he survived!"

Step-Dad and Mom: How many states are there? Me: What? Mom: I'm sure its 40ish Step-Dad: No, there are more than that, 52 i think. Me: *sigh* Just google it.

Mom: You can smoke marijuana when you get to your sophomore year. And when you do, hook me up. Me:.....

News Reporter: Mississippi will now be using a new drug in executions. Mom: Hey, is it Charlie Sheen? Me: .....

Mum (Farewell words!): Remember, if you don't eat, you don't poop, and if you don't poop, you die! Me:...

Mom on phone to telemarketer: Look, whatever you have to say, say it fast. I'm cleaning up dog poop.

(listening to my dad talk to a video game) Guy on game: Has he been drinking? Dad: Hell yeah! How'd you know? Me: ...

Mom: What's with all the clothes on your floor? Me: I never have time to clean up. Mom: No, I think your clothes have sex at night while you're sleeping and reproduce. Me:.....