Keanelover12893

(Dad is lying on the floor of the front room) Dad: I'm gonna get me a biiiiiiiig sandwich. (get...

Me: I'm going to shower. Granny: Don't die!

(to the waiter serving us at a diner) Dad: you wanna buy my daughter, i'll sell her to you for f...

Never assume the video game you're playing has an autosave feature. Redoing four hours worth of w...

If you are smoking a cigarette and playing Halo at the same time and the cherry falls off onto yo...

The word foreplay is NOT the same as foreshadowing, and therefore should not be used repeatedly i...

If you think you might throw up, and you also have the urge to burp, don't try to burp until you'...

When making a new batch of homemade salad sauce in a shaker, do remember to close the dispensing ...