KireiKitten

Never answer questions in your sleep. Although it may seem as though it's just the guy in your dr...

When the pizza delivery man arrives with your dinner, and you see the friendly ginger neighborhoo...

You know how you've got that sinus infection? Don't mockingly shake your fist at the ceiling and ...

As a mother, ALWAYS lock the bathroom door. Otherwise, your 3 year old son will walk in and freak...

When in a certain armed force and you are on a live grenade range, never quote the Monty Python h...

Pay attention to what the MS Word spell checker is doing. Failing to do so will cause you to turn...

When taking a 5 year old to an art museum be aware that certain video installations may contain s...

(Talking about my friend's dad being cooler) Dad: Well does he play video games with you? Me: Y...

if a guy tells you he "kinda likes feet" pay attention - or else your first kiss might immediatel...

(After fetching Gramma's mail): Me: You got another funeral home ad. Gramma: Again? I got 3 yes...

(In my Oma's kitchen talking about how much tile i put down while fixing the house. I'm female.) ...

Dad: How did work go today? Me: (A daycare toddler teacher) The kids were rambunctious today. ...

When in Ireland for St. Paddy's day, do not assume you can drink the with the Irish, some stereot...

If you are already in a very frazzled emotional state, playing a game you suck at is NOT a very g...

When prank calling a plumbing company, remember that the woman on the other end of the phone has ...

When breastfeeding, disengage that baby before sneezing. It doesn't matter that she hasn't got t...

If you're a parent of an infant, ALWAYS enter the house quietly. While loudly exclaiming, "BOOM S...

Mom: Hey, aren't you going to play "Leon"? Me: you mean "Resident Evil 4"? Mom: Sure, yeah Me:...

Me: Hey dad, do you care that the only reason I was born was because your vasectomy didn't work? ...

(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.) Mom: Any nice boys i...

If you know that your friend talks in her sleep DO NOT, under any circumstances mention Nazis, sh...

When discussing machines used in laboratories during your microbiology lab remember that it is ca...

Should you decide to get the TARDIS sound as a ringtone, don't let your equally Doctor-enthused f...

When looking into a new place to live, always do a thorough Google search of the community you're...

Dad: So hows your acting class? Me: Pretty good, there's a really cool freshman who sits next to...

(Mom washing dishes): Who didn't wash this plate?! If I find out who you are, I'm going to come i...