The latest from Lolzscience
Me (driving and yelling at a driver following me too closely): Get off my butt! Mom: YOU LEAVE MY DAUGHTER'S BUTT ALONE!
Dad: Mojitos are like breasts. One's not enough, three's too much and things get weird, but two... Two is just right.
(Cooking pancakes with Dad.) Me: They're smoking. Dad: Thanks! That's a good thing, right? Me: ... Unless you want burnt pancakes, then no, it's not good. Dad: Oh... I thought you said "You're smoking." At first I thought that would be inappropriate for you to say but then I was like "Whatever."
Mom: You're lucky you grew up so to be so pretty. The first thing I thought when I first saw you was 'Damn what an ugly baby'.
Mom: I don't know about this iPad thing. It's too smart. Scary smart. Me: It's just a miniature computer, mom. Mom: It knows the weather! Oh god, it told me the weather! I don't want this thing anymore!
