MahrinaLeigh

Mom: Did anyone see my broom. Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere.

Me: I use this rooster crow as my alarm sound because it is so annoying I have to make it stop. ...

[Watching the dog jumping and playing with a balloon I hung from the ceiling] Mom: Well at least...

(While on a walk, my sister and I told my mom to whistle like a bird) Mom: I can't do that anymo...

Me: Dad has to shower before he spanks us at pool. Mom: He has to shower before he spanks me.

Me: Mom I'm gonna get a tattoo. Mom: The only tattoo I'll allow you to get is eyeballs on the bo...

Grandma's 80th birthday party speech: Grandma: ...and so we were blessed with seven kids, becaus...

Me:Mom,what's the difference between a roach and a cockroach? Mom:One has a cock,and one doesn't...

(talking about my mom going through menopause) Me: Why don't you just crush up some menopause me...

Me: The top on this bottle annoys me! Mom: Yeah, you have to screw it forever before you get it ...

-Nephew is chewing on a woody doll- Ma: Get that woody out your mouth!

(Brother and I arguing) Me: Quit being gay! Brother: No, you're gay! Dad: Both of y'all stop i...

(mom expressing worry about dad going on a cycling trip on his own) Me: But you had no problem w...

Dad: "When a boy asks how you like your eggs in the morning...say "Unfertilized""

Mum: You're birthday's in April, right? Me: March, Mum. Mum: Don't blame me. I wasn't there.

son: I wonder what breast milk tastes like. Mom: I don't know, ask your Dad. Son: MOOOOOM !! W...

Me: I was throwing up randomly yesterday...didn't feel too well. Mom:You might have diabetes. M...

Grandpa: Damn, my hand's getting stiff. Grandma: About time something around here did.

Dad, on how warm we keep the house: Firewood doesn't grow on trees!

Mom: WHAT?!?! I CANT HEAR YOU! IT'S TOO DARK IN HERE!

Me: So, one of the side effects of my new medicine is decreased sexual drive. Dad: that's not go...

me: you know, I´m gonna write a novel, a tragic romance novel brother: what, your life?

Me: I think my English teacher may be pregnant Mum: Is your teacher a man? Me:...

ME: I'm just a little angel. Dad (a pastor): So was Lucifer in the beginning

Mom: You are only in trouble if they scream.

(Playing Grand Theft Auto for the first time) Mum: This game is horrible. I bumped into a man's ...

*While watching Intervention* Dad: All crackheads love Mountain Dew. Me: Hey! I love Mounta...

- On my 21st birthday My mum: Oh! You're so grown up! Sometimes I wish I could just put you ba...

Cousin: Why do they call it "spooning"? Mom: Because it happens after the "forking".

(after stalling over and over again learning to drive) Dad:*sigh* Your mother should have swallo...