MellowHello

Dad: Did you drink some root beer? Me: No we don't have any. Dad: Root beer does not like excus...

Dad: Get get your mum's pot. It needs to be put away. Me: You want me to put it in my stash? D...

(Talking to dad on phone) Dad:what are you doing with Jon? Daughter:Just watching Indiana jones...

Mom: This dessert is so good, I wanna put it on my face!

(Grandmother talking me through cooking Thanksgiving Turkey) Grandmother: Okay, peel the onion a...

Me: Look at this idiot. Jesus Christ! Mom: Matt, that's not Jesus.

Mom: *spills her tea on my lap while in the car* oops. sorry to steam your clam, Honey

Mom commenting on a thing I did when I was three: "And then you pulled your barbie doll out and ...

Dad: When I die, I want to be reincarnated as a narwhal! Me:Why? Dad: 'Cause narwhals are cool!

(My father is about to wake up) Dad: Shit! There are ropes coming out of the ceiling! THE NINJA'...

Mom: Is like you're the ugly duckling, but instead of a swan you turned out to be a condor or som...

(brother goes to put canned cheese on a cracker) Dad: Don't touch that, that's my sexual cheese!

*My mom is leaving for New Years* Mom: I need you to watch the house and your older brother this...