Moustache1990

Dad (after being 'hushed'): I do not obey the platypus of silence!

Dad: Are you watching "My Little Pony"? Me: This cartoon is amazing. Leave me alone. Dad: ...It...

Me: What's for dinner? Mom: BBQ chicken breasts. Dad: CHICKEN TITS‽

(mom calls on phone) me: hellooo? mom: is there anything within' 5feet of you that you can use ...

[while i was complaining about cramps. btw, being a girl sucks sometimes] Me: Ow. crampscrampscr...

*going to do the laundry with my dad* dad: well the first thing we do is eat a banana. That's th...

(While researching on a CD-Rom about anatomy) Mom: DON'T CLICK THAT ONE!!! IT MIGHT BE SOMETHING...

(With my mom in a toy shop) Me: Hey mom, watch this! *puts on a Darth Vader helmet* Luke, I am y...

(Nomming on a carrot) Brother: Deeper, deeper, oh yeah! (laughing at me) Me: Shut up! Mom: OH!...

Me: Is it me, or does it seem like the toaster takes longer to pop when you stare at it? Dad: We...

Dad (Drunk): NITROGEN IS OXYGEN, SCREW SCIENTISTS, THEY'RE ALL LIARS AND FRAUDS!!!

(phone call from dad while he is coming home form work) me: hello dad: hey son can you do me a ...

(After really long text from mom) Me: Fine Mom: That long note I wrote you and all I get back i...

Mom: RUN FASTER I HEAR BANJO MUSIC!!! Me: Huh?

Mum: Get out of here before I start talking about me and your father having sex!

Mom: Where'd you get that Monster? Me: The fridge... Mom: That was mine...you hooker.

(while shopping for a backpack) Me: I kinda like this purple plaid one. Dad: It looks like they...

Me: What are you doing? Mom: Oh, you know. Trollin' the internet.

Mom: I was about to kill that baby with my LASER EYES.

Mom: If you need a clean bra, go into your brother's room.

Me: Does the horn not work when the car is off? Mom: It's only horny when it's turned on.