Nesser

(While sleeping on the sofa my mom sticks a grape in my ear.) Me: Why did you stick a god damned...

Brother: I'm gay! Mother: Oh I'm sorry dear, didn't you know? Father: What do you want, a cooki...

(Discussing getting a 4th tattoo) Me: You know I'm 18 so "technically" I don't have to have you'...

(We where at the supermarket and my dad grabs a pack of tampons and walks to the counter.) Dad: ...

Mom : I met a Hongkanese at Wal-Mart. She was really kind. Dad : What in the world is a Hongkane...

Me: (After being upset for some unknown reason) Mom? Can I have pudding? Mom: NO! PUDDING IS FOR...

Mom: There's something wrong with your makeup. Me: ... I'm not wearing any makeup right now mom....

Dad: Where's your mother? Me: I don't know. Dad: It was your day to watch her!

Me: *explaining my grandma how to Skype with my cousin* Grandma: You girls today can use compute...

(Father dropping us off at a Catholic School parking lot.) Dad: Remember kids, someone loves you...

Dad: I think we ought to boil baby tortles for dinner. Me: DAD! Dad: No, seriously. Me: Boili...

(My nanni and uncle were pretending to bash me while I cried out for help dramatically) Me: DAD...

(Dad filling out a medical form for me, gets to date of birth and gives me a blank stare.) Me: O...

(Watching TV) Mum: That is a completely inappropriate show for you to be watching! Move over, I'...

Me: Mom, was I immaculately conceived? Mom: No, it was pretty messy if I remember correctly.

Mom: I’m going to sleep in my underwear. Dad: Is that a threat?

Uncle: I want a pet owl. Me: Why...? Uncle: They are so cute, and they eat mice, and they are a...

(Talking about a school volunteering project via text.) Dad: What are you gonna do for your ser...

(Our cat is diabetic and has to have insulin injections twice a day) Dad: Morning cat, have you ...

Mom: Hey, come look at these sheets! (They were black and white with a lacy design) Me: Those ar...

Mom: You can each have one cookie My Sister: Her cookie is bigger then my cookie *Father grabs...

(While at a store that had glitter all over the floors) Mom: It looks like a unicorn blew up in ...

*Shopping together* Mom: Sometimes adults live through kids. Me: And you prefer to live through...