The latest from NiwyMe
(While driving...again) Dad: I wanna be a Serial Killer. Gonna kill someone and put cereal on their body Me:...Have fun with that Dad: You're first, why else would I bring you grocery shopping? Me: O.o
Me: Dad, I want weed and spray paint. Dad: I have spray paint in the garage, but if you want weed... I'm not your guy. I don't have any right now. Me: I was... joking.
Mom: Who do you think is easier to raise, girls or boys? Dad: CATS!
(Drinking with my dad for the first time.) Dad: *Unintelligible muttering.* Me: Dad, you're drunk. Dad: I am not drunk and i'll prove it! Me: How? Dad: The drunk test, that's how. Me: Okay Dad: How pretty is that skinny woman with the red afro over there? Me: Dad, that's a stop sign.
Me: (watching Bambi) Mum, I couldn't bear it if you died! Mum: Don't worry, I'm insured for a LOT!
(My 4 year old daughter was refusing to eat her food) Me: Ella, if you don't eat your food, I am selling you to Vegans! My Daughter: What's a Vegan? Me: Someone who only eats vegetables.. with NO cheese! My Daughter: NO! I promise Ill eat my food, PLEASE Don't sell me to Vegans Mommy!
(While my mom was on a girl's weekend, she called me) Mom: I can't find my phone... Help me find my phone! Me: Mom, you called me on your phone. Mom: (to my Aunt) She found my phone for me! I told you calling her would help. Me: *facepalm*
(Whilst walking past baby clothes in the store) Me:(16 years old) Mom, why don't you have a baby? Mom: Why don't YOU have a bab- WAIT, WHAT AM I SAYING!?
(watching twilight with mom) Edward: How about the weather? Bella: I don't like the rain. I don't like cold, wet things. Mom: Yea, well, Frosty the Snowman thinks you suck too.
(Cat has been meowing for water for 20 minutes) Mom: Well why didn't you tell me you were out of water instead of meowing all this time.
Dad: How many sides does a triangle have? Mom: That's easy... 2. Dad: WHAT!?! Explain. Mom: 2 Sides and a bottom. Dad: What about a square? Mom: 2... Dad: WHAT!?! Mom: 2 sides, a top, and a bottom. Dad: Wow!
(Before getting in the car one night.) Dad: Oh, wait, I have to go back inside. Mom: What'd you forget, your cigarettes? Dad: My shoes.
Me: (looking at arm) Man, why do I always have so many cuts on my arms? Mom: Probably because I come into your room at night and slice you. Me: Really? Why? Mom: So you know you're never safe...
G-ma: (Opens door) Get up! Me: I'm sleeping, go away. G-ma: Too bad! Get up or I'm feeding you to the hobos outside! Me: What? G-ma: Good, you're awake. Now, get up and get dressed, we're goin to Mexico for drugs and smokes!
Me: Yeah, Mum, Daniel's in Romania. Mum: What is he doing, hunting dragons?
