NiwyMe

(While driving...again) Dad: I wanna be a Serial Killer. Gonna kill someone and put cereal on th...

Me: Dad, I want weed and spray paint. Dad: I have spray paint in the garage, but if you want wee...

Mom: Who do you think is easier to raise, girls or boys? Dad: CATS!

(Drinking with my dad for the first time.) Dad: *Unintelligible muttering.* Me: Dad, you're dru...

Me: (watching Bambi) Mum, I couldn't bear it if you died! Mum: Don't worry, I'm insured for a LOT!

(My 4 year old daughter was refusing to eat her food) Me: Ella, if you don't eat your food, I am...

(While my mom was on a girl's weekend, she called me) Mom: I can't find my phone... Help me find...

(Whilst walking past baby clothes in the store) Me:(16 years old) Mom, why don't you have a baby...

(watching twilight with mom) Edward: How about the weather? Bella: I don't like the rain. I don...

(Cat has been meowing for water for 20 minutes) Mom: Well why didn't you tell me you were out of...

Dad: How many sides does a triangle have? Mom: That's easy... 2. Dad: WHAT!?! Explain. Mom: 2 ...

(Before getting in the car one night.) Dad: Oh, wait, I have to go back inside. Mom: What'd you...

Me: (looking at arm) Man, why do I always have so many cuts on my arms? Mom: Probably because I ...

G-ma: (Opens door) Get up! Me: I'm sleeping, go away. G-ma: Too bad! Get up or I'm feeding you ...

Me: Yeah, Mum, Daniel's in Romania. Mum: What is he doing, hunting dragons?

Me: Hey dad, could you help me with the periodic table of elements? Dad: Oh sure, I have that me...

Mom: Hufflepuff is my favorite! Me: Thats where all the unwanted children go. Mom: That's where...

(I was born with scoliosis and my dad likes to joke about it, which I think is funny.) Dad: I re...

(We just got a new puppy and Dad is holding a dog treat.) Dad: tell the puppy to sit. Me: Sit. ...

(As my boyfriend and I are going out to his car one evening. Note: I'm a guy.) Dad: USE PROTECTI...

Dad: Vegetables? That's what food eats.

Dad: Tell me honestly, did that boy come over while we were gone? Me: Honestly? Yes... Dad:(sla...

(When I was much younger) Me: Mum, why does Saint Nicholas have the same wrapping paper as you do...

(playing a game where we had to name 10 things you take to bed) Me: A pillow, a blanket... Mom:...

(Via a text from my dad at 2 AM) Dad: If mom asks about the cookies, you ate them

Mum: I swallowed something in bed last night. Me: WHAT?!? Mum: It was like a fluff, or something.

Mom: Did you hear about that actress who go stabbed? Me: No, who? Mom: Reese something.... Me:...

Mom: I don't know about this iPad thing. It's too smart. Scary smart. Me: It's just a miniature ...

Me: Ms. Meyer told us to do page 113 in the mathbook. Dad: Ms. Meyer, isn't she the hot one? Me...

(Mom tackle hugs dad.) Mom: I love you! Dad: THIS BITCH IS CRAZY.