NoisyCrowd

My mom after some woman cut her off: "Yes, grandma, jump right out in front of us! Cuz we're high...

Mom: I want to die like a Klingon! Probably with my teeth in someone's throat! Me: ...Should I b...

Dad: no use crying over skimmed milk. Me: you mean spilled milk? Dad: why would you cry over sl...

Mum on finding scissors on the sofa: "You can't leave those there, you'll end up with two vagi...

(While on a road trip) My brother: Hey look, a dead cat Mom: You kids getting hungry?

Dad while on medication for allergies "All is strange and fake. Is this Hell? Or is it Ohio?"

Dad: That guy is dumber than a box of rocks with all the smart rocks taken out.

Some guy on TV: You dirty b***ard! Grandma, clapping her hands over her ears: I'm too young for ...

Me: "Okay, I have do have one new joke for you, but it's not quite p.c. - what's brown and flies ...

*talking to me about sex* Grandma: You know, my first time with your grandpa sounded like "plok ...

*at a Fire Dept. Station for a field trip* Little Brother: Mommy! Let's ride the firetruck! Mom...

Me: Where's Dad? Mom: He went for a sh*t and the crows got him. Me: ??!

Me: How do you like your coffee dad? Dad: Strong and black... just like my men

*After hearing how much an operation to fix my busted knee was going to cost* Dad: ...That's i...

Me: Does watching Glee makes you gay? Dad: Nope, it's being gay that makes you watch Glee.

*I'm 6 and standing in the kitchen with Mom and Dad after a major earthquake* Mom: "Jack! Grab t...

Me: Mom! Have you heard? Judgment Day is May 21st! Mom: I need to dye my hair, need to look good...

My sister to her only non c section kid: You're my vagina baby! You are the reason I have scars d...

(Mom growling and making weird noises that frighten our dog) Me: What are you doing?! Mom: I'm ...

(while driving down a back road) My Dad: Oh look, ducks. Quack quack quack. Shake that ass, duck.

*Mom while working out, doing what the TV says* Lady on TV: Lets do this again!!! Mom: NO, B**C...