SajraAnastazja

(My mom and I are in the car and see a white van with "FREE CANDY" hand-painted on the side.) Me...

Mom: Honey, could you please pick that green... thing that looks like a worm..out of my bag..yes....

(At a store and I'm trying to decide on a card for my friend's b-day) Mom: (walking really fast ...

(my ex, who my mum was never a fan of, knocks on the front door) *Mum answers* Ex: Can I talk t...

(my aunt had just gotten pregnant, and my 3 year old brothers asked about the baby inside her. I ...

Dad: I will never be happy again. (2 seconds later)-Proceeds to rip a giant fart. Dad: Maybe I ...

Mom: I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

Me: I miss the old WIndows paperclip! Dad: I see you're trying to reminisce about me. Want some ...

Those Mucinex tablets weren't Mucinex. They were Exlax. You will violently defecate for hours. #LFMF

Do Not take two extra strength sleeping pills at 4 am, Only to wake up at 6 am. You will NOT reme...

Wikipedia has no qualms with showing you pictures of nude men. Remember this when searching up st...

Whenever my heart breaks, i cut myself with the jagged edges