Dad: Holy Batnipples, it's cold out. Me: What the...?
Me: Dad, you love Kelsey (our puppy) more than you love me. Dad: Well, she loves me more than yo...
Uncle Ralph: (To brother and boyfriend) Did you have sex on my bed? Brother: NO! Why would you t...
(In the computer shop) Dad: So... The shop assistant that served you earlier... Was it a he, she...