*while an update for the computer is going on* Dad: the computer's being downloaded so don't go on it 'til it's done.
Me: Cool fountain. Uncle: Yeah that'll be really fun to piss in later when I'm drunk.
(After mom catches me in a contest to fit as much bubble gum in my mouth as possible) Mom: Do you know how embarrassing it would be for us if you died by choking on bubble gum? Dad: Or if you spontaneously combusted.