badookey

Never tell your friends that you are extreamly afraid of goats, even if it is for a good reason. The whole year will find out and attack you with stuffed goats, then to make it worse, rent 5 REAL goats and let them loose in your home.

When your cell phone is red, and your apple is red, and both are sitting on the couch next to you, take heed when quickly grabbing on up for a tasty bite. Cell phones aren't tasty. But they are crunchy. #LFMF

Don't watch Life of Brian with your mother unless you're prepared to explain to her exactly what is so funny about the name "Biggus Dickus". #LFMF

If you don't take your three year old to get her hair cut she will do it herself. #LFMF

When lending your car to your boyfriend, make sure he knows it's an automatic transmission. It's possible he will attempt to shift gears, somehow throwing the car in reverse at 60mph, destroying your transmission. #LFMF

Don't carry your lip balm and nasal inhaler in the same pocket if they have the same shape because when talking with friends you'll pull out your lip balm and shove it up your nose. #LFMF

Make sure you check which locker you're trying to open before cutting off the lock to discover that your stuff is not inside. #LFMF

If the pizza shop you work at regularly delivers to the mental health ward of a hospital, never wear a shirt to work that says "you're just jealous cos the voices only talk to me." #LFMF