cutekittehslolmeh

Me and dad walking through London Me: Wow look at that Lamborghini. Dad: Well the joke is on th...

(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT D...

*After moving away for college, talking with my mom* Mom: How are things? What have you been u...

Mom talking about my bossy aunt: She's learned that she's not in charge in this house. There's ...

Me: Hey Mom, I learned how to say "breakfast" in Russian! Mom: Vodka?

(Mom brings out chocolate pie for dessert to impress the new neighbors) Neighbor Lady: Oh, I'm s...

(My mum gets cut off in heavy traffic): Mum: "WELL I HOPE YOUR NEXT S**T IS A PORCUPINE!"

(Watching T.V.) Voiceover: There's only one thing worse than losing one child at the beach... M...

(My mom is a hospice nurse) Mom kicks open the door and yells: My tires are caked with pig shit ...

12th Grade Teacher: I wonder why they call a woman's private parts her 'beaver'? Me (...

As my mom is talking to some religious people in the doorway, she yells into the living room: "Ho...

(My mom walks in to the living room where my sister is reading Twilight) Mom: What is that? Sis...

(Looking at suits in a crowed store) Mom: You know on my wedding night your dad wore a bowtie li...

Husband: Which seat can I taaa~ke? 3 Year Old Daughter: The one that is open. Just sit down.

(Driving in the car with my parents) Dad: I think I should start drinking less alcohol. (Passin...

Dad: Drugs are too expensive for you to ever do. Me: Ok.... Dad: No seriously! Tobacco and alco...

(Looking in the pantry for some food. Mom barges in.) Mom: The evil llama's are here, hand me th...

Me: Dad, you love Kelsey (our puppy) more than you love me. Dad: Well, she loves me more than yo...

(On my coming out) Dad: Oh dammit, you're sure? Me: Yeah. Dad: You've slept with a woman and y...