deathbyfart

*while planing summer vacation* Mom (to dad): Ok, wanna hear the plan? Dad: Not unless it invol...

*while watching a documentary* Grandpa: you know what really burns my ass? Me: what? Grandpa: ...

Dad and I at a pet store looking at parrots: Parrot: Cracker? Dad: and damn proud of it!

Dad: I will never be happy again. (2 seconds later)-Proceeds to rip a giant fart. Dad: Maybe I ...

(My dad and I talking about our funerals) Me: You know what dad? Dad: Hmm? Me: I want to have...

12th Grade Teacher: I wonder why they call a woman's private parts her 'beaver'? Me (...

We are at Disneyland and on the teacups. I'm 4. Me: Daddy I think I'm going throw up... Dad: Ai...

Me: Let's watch Twilight! Dad: I'd rather rub my penis against a cheese grater.