dracomalfoy87

(to my fiance and i before our wedding) Grandaddy: now, i don't believe in premarital sex, but...

(my mom talking to us about starting the laundry) Mom: Make sure you wet the water. Brother: Do...

Me: I'm adopted Mom: I'd hate to say it, but you're not adopted. Me: Fine, I'm the milk man's k...

(After telling my father that I'm gay) Dad: Well you know that not every girl is right for every...

Sister: Did someone just call me an idiot? Grandma: No, but we're all thinking it.

Mom: Scott, don't twirl that steak knife around. You're going to hurt yourself. Me: But mom... y...

Mom: They went to Hawaii Grandma: Where in Hawaii? Mom: I don't remember...OH! AN ISLAND!!!

(After watching me on my laptop for 15 minutes without saying anything) Mom: Won't having that o...

(Mom playing Black Ops and petting the dog.) Mom: Alright puppy. Go lay down, I have to kill.

Me: I'm going to take a shower. Grandpa: Don't get wet!

*I just walked into room* Dad: Yes, but lizards don't get sucked into jet engines! Mom: But if ...

Just because your car door can open with the press of a button does not mean that you can do the ...

I realize that he might look like your Dad from behind, but don't give him a hug before finding o...

When replying to an email offering you the job of your dreams be aware that your autocorrect chan...

Don't try to dance to 'Whip your hair' whilst in the shower. When you do whip your hair, you WILL...