dufkat1

Dad: I'm so hungry I could eat a wh*re... Mom: You mean a horse? Dad: Where's the fun in that?

(after beating my dad at ping-pong for the first time, I begin a celebratory dance) Dad: Great y...

(my aunt had just gotten pregnant, and my 3 year old brothers asked about the baby inside her. I ...

(My mother got two bruises on her wrists because our dogs lunged while she was walking them.) El...

my dad is in love with the movie napoleon dynamite. his favorite part is when uncle rico throws m...

Checking my make up in the Baptist Church bathroom on my wedding day: Mom: You mean you're still...

Me: DAD! There's a hair in my noodle! Dad: Excellent. Me: O_0

*sitting down with my mom talking about how great it is when we get really old* me: old people c...

(telling me and my brother about the trip to Bangkok he took in his twenties) Dad: So we picked ...

(my mom and I got sunburn at the beach earlier that day) Mom: I'm taking my bra off, I don't car...

(My cousin has three children, two are brunette and one is blonde) Mum: It's strange how (blonde...

(We were touring a historic house with my parents and our daughter) Tour Guide: Canopy beds were...

*My Grandmother walks in while me and my cat are meowing back and forth* Gramma: Emily, you need...

(Dad accidentally sits down on my brother's right arm) Me: Careful, Dad, that's his wanking hand...

Mom:What have you got in your pockets? Me:Phone, gum, illegal drugs, and I may or may not have a...

*I just noticed my Dad's fly was down* Me: Dad...your barn door is open. Dad *looking down* Doe...

*Me talking about the road trip with my Grandpa and how we went shooting with people that happene...

(I was getting acupuncture and my dad walks in) Dad: *starts laughing* You have a needle stickin...

Grandma: "I can't drive while I'm Drunk". Brother: "You can if you believe in yourself".

*After moving away for college, talking with my mom* Mom: How are things? What have you been u...

Mom talking about my bossy aunt: She's learned that she's not in charge in this house. There's ...

Uncle: Hey, knock-knock. Me: ...Who's there? Uncle: Go f**k yourself.

My dad, after killing a cockroach: "The worst kind of roach is a COMMUNIST roach."