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My mum: Oh, you broke up with him, I'm so relieved. Me: you always said that you really liked ...

Mom: *reading paper and laughing* Me: What's so funny? Mom: I'm reading the obituaries

Dad: Get get your mum's pot. It needs to be put away. Me: You want me to put it in my stash? D...

Mom: Rachel! Go get your brother's underwear out of the microwave!

(brother goes to put canned cheese on a cracker) Dad: Don't touch that, that's my sexual cheese!

Dad: Do I have to talk to you about the birds and the bees? Me: Uh... no, Dad, that's really not...

(My father is about to wake up) Dad: Shit! There are ropes coming out of the ceiling! THE NINJA'...

(as a 5 year old) Me: Daddy, I'm hungry. Dad: (hands me a can of Coke and a chunk of co-jack ch...

(on a camping trip) Me: Mom, I have something important to tell you. Mom: (flipping burgers and...

(Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door) Mom: *answers door to be polite* Dad: HONEY! Come back! T...

Mom: When I take off my bra to go to bed at night, I hear a British man shout in my head, "Releas...