kanthous

(I was goofing around on Memebase and my mom looked over my shoulder.) Mom: As soon as you're so...

(My friend's mom yelling to her younger brother for him to get out of bed) Mom: Trevor! Brother...

(At a restaurant, a song begins to play.) Mom: Who sings this song? She has a really nice voice!...

Mom: I love your new car, you must have heated seats? Me: Yep, why? Mom: 'Cause it was either t...

At a drive through restaurant window: Mom: Can I get an iced coffee please? Employee: We don't ...

Take it. IN THE MOUTH!! (Mom handing me my medicine)

Dad: Your brother showed me that show with the two boys and the girl in an apartment across the h...

My mother: "You dad won't let me rant. I need to rant!!! I've got, like, "rant constipation" and ...

Sister-"You put Bailey's in your cereal?" Mom-"We ran out of milk."

Me: How did you manage figuring out how to join Matt's event on Facebook? Dad: I don’t know h...

Me: I think it's really weird that you and dad go to Hooters for dinner. Mom: No. What's weird i...

Mom: I opened up the ice cream and ended up with nuts between my legs. Grandma: Well, isn't that...

Mom: "Can you e-mail over the ocean? Or does that cost extra?"

(after my cell vibrates on the couch) Mom: "Can I sit on that?"

(after i came home with a bad report card) Mom: "why didn't we sell you when we had the chance?"

The "birds and Bees" talk my Dad gave us boys Dad: "All women are crazy, including your mother,...

Mom: "Do you know what a cervix is?" Me: "Mom, I'm nineteen." Mom: "Well, it's not like you hav...

Mom (when visiting my dad's house, they're divorced): "Oh my god Dan, this place looks like a who...

I accidentally closed her facebook browser Mom: "You idiot ! If you keep opening and closing fac...

Dad: "This water is really wierd. It tastes like melted ice."

My mom showing off her latest vibrator: "He got it for me for my birthday before we signed the di...

Me: "Can I go with Steven[brother] to this party?" Dad: "Will there be drugs?" Me:"No." Dad:"B...

Me (talking about a bowl: "I thought it was bigger than that until I pulled it out." Mom: "I hate...

Mom: "Get up off your butt and massage the salad."

Me: "Don't worry, I'm the weirdo who doesn't do drugs, remember?" Dad: "Well if you ever do, you...

Me: "Where's my sister?" Mom: "She's masturbating." Me: "WHAT?!?" Mom: "Yeah, she's in the bac...

Dad: "In my day we didn't need Facebook to ruin friendships, we had Risk."

Me: "What is a six sided shape called?" Dad: "A sexagon. By the way, that's also what happens wh...