likeapolygraph

Grandma: Ohhh, a hair dryer for Christmas thanks so much, dear! Me: You're welcome. Grandma: ...

Mom (after I answered "I dont remember" to her question) - Your memory is as long as your penis!

Mom: (after winning the Jeopardy game) haha! now you have to be my slave! Dad: as long as you us...

*Looking at my grandparents wedding photo on their 50th anniversary* Grandma: I don't look pregn...

(After my brother had been in the shower for a long time) Dad: You'd better not be spanking your...

Grandma: "Jules, you have such a nice chest why can't you get one of those college boys?"

(my parents and I are walking through a store with me on one of my dad's arms, my mom on the othe...

(I had got my hair cut short and bleached then visited my mum the next day) Mum: What happened? ...

(my parents are both conservative, but Dad leans more to the right than Mom does) Dad: Alli, do ...

ME:Mom, all of your friends are kinda stupid. MOM:I would say the same thing about yours, but...

When sending emails out for the church you work at, be extra careful about typing "CONCERT LIST"....

When impressing people at University with your large taste in heavy metal music, make sure your r...

If you notice that the girl you like likes you, make a bloody move. After few months it will be t...

When you are using a weed eater and notice a bee land on your hand, do not use said weed eater wh...

Never go to a Halo Tournament held a church. Yelling Goddamnit after losing is definately frowned...