lolmuffinz

While doing a crossword. Mum: Where was Miami Vice set?

Me: Why do you have a pack of soda crackers in your truck? Dad: I'LL NEVER TELL!!!!

*my dad always leaves some of his tea* Me: why do you always leave some? Dad: its for the fairi...

Mum: What's teabagging? Me: I'm not telling you! Mum: Is it something me and your father might ...

Me: Merry Christmas Mom! Mom: Go away! It's not Christmas until I'm drunk.

Dad: I remember this time we were hanging out in the elementary school yard and one of our friend...

Me: This is an ipod touch. You can listen to music and watch tv and stuff on it. Great Grandpa: ...

Mum: Get the hell of that video game and watch TV!

(going shooting with mom, my friend and his cousin) Me: That glock hasn't been fired in about a ...

Mom: Stop cutting your nails so short! How are they going to find your killer's DNA under them? ...

Me: Dad, there's a long black hair in my noodle! Dad: Exciting!

Dad: Your almost 16, you know what that means right? Me: No, what? Dad: (dead serious) I'll hav...

Aunt to cousin: If you're going to be a whore at least have some self respect and be a really exp...

Dad: So you're going to your friends house tonight? Me: Yeah.. Dad: Are there going to be any h...

Mom: Are you coming on that trip with me tomorrow then? Me: Can you promise I won't be bored off...

Mum (whilst looking in the mirror): Hey Honey, do you think I could make any money as a hooker? ...

*Taking nasal spray* Me: How do I do this again? Mom: You have to sniff hard like you're doing ...

Me: I'm going to get the hose to clean the paint off the porch. Brother: What are they going to ...

Me:Mom,what's the difference between a roach and a cockroach? Mom:One has a cock,and one doesn't...

Mom: You know, I can't remember my sister ever having a bad temper when we were younger. Me: Mom...