maesma

(Mom playing Black Ops and petting the dog.) Mom: Alright puppy. Go lay down, I have to kill.

Mum: You can smoke and you can drink, but if you take drugs come to me and I'll hook you up. I do...

Mom: you had better be glad you were born first. If we had had your sister first I wouldn't have...

Mom: When you were a baby you always laughed when you were naked so I thought you would grow up t...

Me: I'm off to the party I'll be back by 11. Dad: Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful,...

(Looking at his baby picture) Me: Awe, that's cute. You're in a dress! Dad: That was my Christe...

(Me and my Sister fighting in church) Dad: STOP THAT YOU'RE PISSING OFF GOD.

Me: Mom, what would you say if I told you I was pregnant? Mom: I'd ask how you managed to get a ...

Mom: So how do I send Aunt Tricia the link? Me: You just copy and paste it into the send box. ...

Dad: Apparently women can't get pregnant while breast feeding.

Me: Mom, I'm too old to give you a kiss goodbye! Mom: I pushed you out my vag! Now give me a kis...

(After graduating from med school) Dad: I always knew you were the smart one. I had you trained ...