(Mom playing Black Ops and petting the dog.) Mom: Alright puppy. Go lay down, I have to kill.
Mum: You can smoke and you can drink, but if you take drugs come to me and I'll hook you up. I do...
Mom: you had better be glad you were born first. If we had had your sister first I wouldn't have...
Mom: When you were a baby you always laughed when you were naked so I thought you would grow up t...
Me: I'm off to the party I'll be back by 11. Dad: Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful,...
(Looking at his baby picture) Me: Awe, that's cute. You're in a dress! Dad: That was my Christe...
(Me and my Sister fighting in church) Dad: STOP THAT YOU'RE PISSING OFF GOD.
Me: Mom, what would you say if I told you I was pregnant? Mom: I'd ask how you managed to get a ...
Mom: So how do I send Aunt Tricia the link? Me: You just copy and paste it into the send box. ...
Dad: Apparently women can't get pregnant while breast feeding.
Me: Mom, I'm too old to give you a kiss goodbye! Mom: I pushed you out my vag! Now give me a kis...
(After graduating from med school) Dad: I always knew you were the smart one. I had you trained ...