nadia.nothing

(At the cottage, when my dad hadn't shaved for several days.) Dad: I'm drinking from the fancy g...

(Watching a music video with a good looking singer with nice facial hair) Mom: He IS hot. Nice ...

After I had foot surgery, my Dad texts me: Eat good. Ice cream grow bone. Double ice cream grow d...

(When I was a child) Me: Mama, why are stop signs octagons? Mom: So kids like you will ask that ...

(Grandma watching doctor oz and talking about penis sizes) Dr Oz: And five inches is the standar...

Me: Dad, I want weed and spray paint. Dad: I have spray paint in the garage, but if you want wee...

Me: *hiccup* Dad: Oh, hi. What's up? You just get the hiccups all of a sudden? Me: It happens s...

(While in a park that has a mechanical metal goat that sucks up trash when you push a button) Me...

(Looking at suits in a crowed store) Mom: You know on my wedding night your dad wore a bowtie li...

(While driving in northern Minnesota) Mom: I pushed the home button on the g.p.s. and it's sendin...

Mom: Hey, come look at these sheets! (They were black and white with a lacy design) Me: Those ar...

Husband: Which seat can I taaa~ke? 3 Year Old Daughter: The one that is open. Just sit down.

Me: That man has a harmonica. Dad: Don't worry, they'll develop a cure for it. Me: A cure... fo...

(At the bar with my parents on my 21st birthday) Me: I don't know what to order. Mom: What do y...

Me: Dad, my friend told me that a "wenis" is the skin on your elbow, is that true? Dad: I don't ...

(While at a store that had glitter all over the floors) Mom: It looks like a unicorn blew up in ...

(Driving in the car with my parents) Dad: I think I should start drinking less alcohol. (Passin...

Me: I'm so disappointed in myself. Brother: Well, at least we're all on the same page now. Mom:...

Mom: That house has a huge cement wall! Me: Zombie proof. Mom: He has holes in it... Me: Gun h...

Brother: (playing L.A. Noire) Oh look, there's a tuba in the box. Who keeps a tuba in a fast food...

(Mom in the kitchen talking to our 14 yr old cat) Mom: Quit telling me you're hungry. Why didn't...

Nurse: Are you sexually active? Me: ...I'm pregnant. I said this when I came in. Mom: So is tha...

(Brother holding up a sesame seed from a bagle) Brother: If we plant this, can we grow bagels?