ohmightypurple1

Dad: Are you watching "My Little Pony"? Me: This cartoon is amazing. Leave me alone. Dad: ...It...

*Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door* Mom: *opens the door and is about to close it* Jehovah Wi...

88 year old Grandpa: You're not drunk until you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling...

(talking about things I want to do this summer) Me: I think I would like to try bungee jumping t...

My mom was on the phone with a telemarketer. Mom: Hey, can you do me a favor and call me back wh...

Mom: So Snoopy got arrested.. Me: Snoopy? Mom: Scooby...whatever. Me: You mean Snookie? Mom: ...

(Grandmother talking me through cooking Thanksgiving Turkey) Grandmother: Okay, peel the onion a...

Me: Grandma I'm going to buy a motorcycle when I get back from this deployment! Grandma: You d...

*After my mom finds out I have a girlfriend* Mom: Son, I'm happy you've found a nice young wom...

(to my fiance and i before our wedding) Grandaddy: now, i don't believe in premarital sex, but...