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Mom: So Snoopy got arrested.. Me: Snoopy? Mom: Scooby...whatever. Me: You mean Snookie? Mom: ...

(I walk into the living room and hear this) ... Grandma: But we'd get caught. Grandpa: Not if ...

*While watching Intervention* Dad: All crackheads love Mountain Dew. Me: Hey! I love Mounta...

Grandma: I liked sophmore year, I had fun. Me: Uhh, you got pregnant sophmore year.. Grandma: L...

Grandpa: Ya'll better quiet down tonight or I'll cut your ears off!

(While grocery shopping) Mom: Get the Brawny paper towels with the hott guy on it! Dad: That's ...

Mom: This is me and my sister when I was about 5 year old. Me:Wow, that's and awfully short dres...

Mom: Every time that I see a car driving with a mattress strapped on top I always think it's a pr...

(Jehovah Witnesses knock on the door) Mom: *answers door to be polite* Dad: HONEY! Come back! T...

Mum: GET DOWN HERE BEFORE I BURY YOU UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS!! I'VE SEEN ENOUGH EPISODES OF NCIS To...

(my grandmother to the cute waiter at the restaurant on my 18th birthday) Grandmother: You know,...

(After previously getting into an argument with my mom, I step out of our car and see a bus pass ...

(On the topic of my brother being in his room with a girl) Me: Well, Grandma says she checks on ...

Dad: Why do you want more kids? Don't you like the two you have? Me: You had me after my sister...