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*My dad talking in his sleep* Dad: Get the cows off the roof! Me: Uhm... What? Dad: I SAID Get...

(My mom wakes me up at 3 am screaming) Mom:Quickly there's a rat in my room, go kill it! Me(sti...

(dad storms into house) Dad: Well, at least I never f*cked a penguin!

(Talking about a picnic I was going to have with my friends) Mom: Don't you have enought meat? ...

Dad talking in his sleep: Obama stole my freakin deer head!

Me: The popcorn says two and a half minutes, not 2:50. Step-mom: .50 is half of a minute. Duh. ...