The latest from rachelhi
*My dad and I were at the mall and some guy was handing out free samples of their new fudge* Free Sample Guy: Hi would you li- Dad: What's your name punk? Free Sample Guy: Uhh.....R-Ryan sir Dad: And tell us a bit about yourself Ryan. Ryan: Umm w-well I'm eighteen, I live in Alabama and I have two sisters? Dad: * turns to me* See Chloe? We know Ryan now, he's not a stranger to us anymore so *now* you can take some of his candy. Never take candy from a stranger! Me: O.O
(my dad walked up to our cat (Greg) and the cat ran away) Dad: Greg! How did you know I was going to wipe my feet on you! I hadn't even lifted my foot yet!
my dad is in love with the movie napoleon dynamite. his favorite part is when uncle rico throws meat and it hits napoleon in the face. me: hey dad, can i have a few slices of cheese? dad: sure (chucks the cheese at my face and scares the crap out of me) dad: i just uncle rico'd you!
(Boyfriend fell asleep on the couch. I poke him, trying to wake him up.) BF: DONT TOUCH THAT DONUT! SHE HAS RABIES. (starts snoring again.) Me: ROFL
Mom talking about my bossy aunt: She's learned that she's not in charge in this house. There's only one person in charge around here, and that's the cat.
(My mum gets cut off in heavy traffic): Mum: "WELL I HOPE YOUR NEXT S**T IS A PORCUPINE!"
(At a restaurant, a song begins to play.) Mom: Who sings this song? She has a really nice voice! Me: ... Justin Beiber. Mom: *listens for another few seconds* This whole "naming girls with boy names" thing has gotten way out of hand.
(Watching the news) Mum: I wish we could have some nice news for once. Like, we turn on the TV and find out half the population of the world has disappeared.
(While driving...again) Dad: I wanna be a Serial Killer. Gonna kill someone and put cereal on their body Me:...Have fun with that Dad: You're first, why else would I bring you grocery shopping? Me: O.o
Mom: Who do you think is easier to raise, girls or boys? Dad: CATS!
(My mom talking about the size of my chest while trying on clothes.) Mom: Good God, look at those things! They're like hills, or islands, or something big and geographical!
