rippergirl

Mom: Vampires have to be careful because of AIDS.

Me: Women can't give birth after they're 40, right? Sister: Ya, or they give birth to retards. ...

Me: I'm off to the party I'll be back by 11. Dad: Be good, and if you can't be good, be careful,...

(Me and my Sister fighting in church) Dad: STOP THAT YOU'RE PISSING OFF GOD.

Me: What would you do if I was kidnapped? Mom: I'd wait. After an hour they'd bring you back bec...

Mom:"Put the cat down. PUT IT DOWN. PUT THE… screw it. It’ll hurt you and that’s how you will lea...

Me: Hey Mom, I found the bus! Mom: Are you on it or did you get hit by it?

Mom arrives home from the market: WE HAVE MORE JUNK FOOD THAN A POT FARM!