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Dad: Wow that sure is a fancy lookin' radio. Me: Dad, that's a printer...

Dad: What are you doing today? Me: I have to renew my drivers license. Dad: Let's go grab some ...

(I was adopted) Me: So do you know who my real parents are? Dad: Some harlot that was too relig...

(My Father, in a bar, saying that the music on a jukebox stops whenever someone says something em...

Dad: I'm so hungry I could eat a wh*re... Mom: You mean a horse? Dad: Where's the fun in that?

Mom: You know that band you played for me the other day? Wasn't their name Cutie Pie Lovehandles?...

Family Feud Host: Name a place where you might see a dead body. Mom: Next to Chuck Norris.

working out in the garden on a hot day Mom: im sweating like a hooker at a southern baptist revi...

Me: My boyfriend is beginning to look like a cross between Abe Lincoln and a wolf-man Dad: So h...