snakegirl848

Me: Mom I'm an atheist. Mom: It's alright if you're gay, I'll still love you

Me: Hey (Brother's name), check out what I posted on Failblog. Brother: No, I don't need to see ...

Dad: The Mother-in-law just died. Shop Assistant: Jesus... Your luck must be in! Dad: Yeah! Giv...

(After I had zoned out for an entire conversation) Dad: So, the moral of the story is to have lo...

(I got to much ice in my cup and dumped some of the ice out.) Dad: HEY! Do you know how many ice...

Me: I like working at Long John Silver's because old people always tell me I'm pretty. Grandma: ...

My dad's response when I told him that I was a vegetarian for the first time one Christmas (exten...

*My dad's fly was down* My sister: dad, your cows are loose. Dad:(seriously) MY COWS RUN FREELY...

(Overheard at the theater). Boy: Mum, why do we go so often to theatre? Mother: Because we're ...

Me, playing Angry Birds: Dad, have you ever played Angry Birds? Dad: No, but I've seen the movie...

(In the car, Because of You comes on the radio) Dad: You know this song? Kelly Clarkson wrote it...

(Mom brings out chocolate pie for dessert to impress the new neighbors) Neighbor Lady: Oh, I'm s...

Me: Mom, I just bit my fingernail to the quick and it's bleeding and it really hurts! Mom: Well,...

(My mum gets cut off in heavy traffic): Mum: "WELL I HOPE YOUR NEXT S**T IS A PORCUPINE!"

(At an IKEA looking for a bed, overhearing another family) Daughter: I like this one Mom:(shake...

Conversation between Sister & Dad one night in a hotel bar. Dad: Why are your knees so skinned u...

Dad (half asleep on couch): Martians, are you okay? Come in, Martians. Me (walking by): ...Wha...

(I was pretending to beat up my Dad) Me: *jabs Dad in the side* Dad: Ow! That was my fallopian ...

*I'm casually listening to music in my room* Mum(Bursts in): WHERE IS MY FARMVILLE TURTLE? HAVE ...

Driving in the car Me: Remember that one time you crashed into the tree? Dad: I didn't crash in...

*My friend and I were sitting in my room, playing video games when it starts storming after a lon...

Me: Mom, my nose feels like I want to sneeze. But I can't. Mom: I'm tired of you saying you can...

(Watching T.V.) Voiceover: There's only one thing worse than losing one child at the beach... M...

Step-dad: Don't samba with the cat! Me: Why not? Step-dad: Because she doesn't know how!

As my mom is talking to some religious people in the doorway, she yells into the living room: "Ho...

(My dad likes to sing out whatever is on his mind) Dad: Which-doo dee doo- Redneck hobo-bop boo b...

(At the doctor's office) Nurse: Do you smoke? Me: No. Mom: Not that you would say so, since I'...

Me: So, today, Will and I were- Mom: I don't care. (starts laughing hysterically) Oh, I'm just k...

[When I was about 9, my girl scout troop had to participate in this international fair thing wher...