steck_it

(PLaying Just Dance) Dad: My pelvic thrust has gotten weaker over the years Mom: Got that right!

*All the family is gathered, celebrating grandpa's 80th birthday* Grandma: I never thought that ...

Mom:What have you got in your pockets? Me:Phone, gum, illegal drugs, and I may or may not have a...

Me: Ya, so whenever someone tells you a story that you dont find interesting, you just stay "cool...

Dad: Son, I want you to have this. *Gives me an air hockey puck* Me: Why did you steal this? D...

My drunk uncle to my redheaded sister: What did you do in a previous life that was so bad you cam...

Mom: What? You spent 500 bucks on lingerie? You´re not even getting laid!

(My little brother in the bathroom): Gah, my butt hurts so bad! Dad: Well, what are you sticking...

grandpa at family gathering (at that time over 80 years old): You know, when I looked at myself i...

My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the ...

(My gay friend, Josh, was on his way over to my house. My dad told me to make my bed, but I was b...

Me: So, last night, I had this crazy dream- Mom: Oh yeah? So did Martin Luther King, Jr. And he...

(Asian mom and dad talking in native language and playing with two puppies in living room) Dad: ...

My dad is on the phone with a telemarketer. Mid sentence, he cuts him off: "I'm terribly sorry, b...

Me: Mom I'm an atheist. Mom: It's alright if you're gay, I'll still love you