whiteasian31J

(Talking about New York Ink) Dad: People walk into that tattoo place and try to be all deep abou...

*while disscussing that i liked flat soda* dad: really? but it tastes like ass! me: no it doesn...

Mom always wants grandchildren (I'm 24). Mom: Hey when are you going to have kids? Me: Um... wh...

(I overheard this conversation between a man and his son at the pizza parlor where I work.) Dad:...

Dad: when life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into your enemy's papercuts.

*I was cranky on afternoon, and my dad thought that he was being funny* Dad: She got out of bed,...

(my dad walked up to our cat (Greg) and the cat ran away) Dad: Greg! How did you know I was goin...

*Dads weighs himself: 93.4 Kgs* *Weighs himself one hour later: 92.4 Kgs* Dad: That was a good ...

My drunk uncle to my redheaded sister: What did you do in a previous life that was so bad you cam...

(My little brother in the bathroom): Gah, my butt hurts so bad! Dad: Well, what are you sticking...

(dad staring at our dog and laughing) me: Whats so funny? dad: Paco has such tiny balls!!

Me and dad walking through London Me: Wow look at that Lamborghini. Dad: Well the joke is on th...

(to my 7 year old sister) Dad: Fine! Be a stupid cat for Halloween instead of the almighty Optim...

My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the ...

Dad: Haha, you were such an ugly baby. Seriously, you looked like Winston Churchill. All you need...

Mom talking about my bossy aunt: She's learned that she's not in charge in this house. There's ...

Dad: The Mother-in-law just died. Shop Assistant: Jesus... Your luck must be in! Dad: Yeah! Giv...

(My mum gets cut off in heavy traffic): Mum: "WELL I HOPE YOUR NEXT S**T IS A PORCUPINE!"

Driving in the car Me: Remember that one time you crashed into the tree? Dad: I didn't crash in...

(At the doctor's office) Nurse: Do you smoke? Me: No. Mom: Not that you would say so, since I'...

(After he comes home from the hospital and getting stitches in his chin.) Dad: ... Word of the w...

(At the cottage, when my dad hadn't shaved for several days.) Dad: I'm drinking from the fancy g...

Dad: I hit a squirrel on the way home. Mom: Oh no. Dad: Yeah, it almost got away but I swerved ...

Dad: So, none of you will be home all weekend? Just me and your mom? My sister: That's right. D...

Little sister: Dad, why do you sleep naked? Dad: Trust me dear, no robber wants to see a naked m...

Mom: You know I hate glitter. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world.

Younger Sister: Why are your notes on the Spanish Inquisition titled "The Spanish Inquisition is ...

(I was born with scoliosis and my dad likes to joke about it, which I think is funny.) Dad: I re...

Dad: When I was in highschool, all the kids from the Catholic and public schools would get togeth...

Dad: Vegetables? That's what food eats.