wildgoblinpi

Mother: (Leaving the house) No parties, no boys... Me: Why boys? Mother: I don't know. Me: Can...

(I came into the kitchen without my dad noticing me) Dad: *Turns around* Oh! Where the hell did ...

(Handing a fork to my dad while making fajitas) Dad: (slaps me with a tortilla) The fajitas defy...

Mom and I: *sitting in silence* Mom: *out of nowhere* ...I think I'm going to go into the garage...

Dad: Sex requires a helmet and knee pads and body armour and a spatula and water wings and a turt...

(after seeing the cat run) Grandfather: Your cat runs like its got a fire work up is ass. Me: H...

Mom (while watching Justin Bieber on SNL): That Justin Beaver is too young to be performing here!...

Me: So we both found we LOVE Doctor Who and I thought, wow I've made a new friend. Then he asked...

(While sleeping on the sofa my mom sticks a grape in my ear.) Me: Why did you stick a god damned...

Brother: I'm gay! Mother: Oh I'm sorry dear, didn't you know? Father: What do you want, a cooki...

(Discussing getting a 4th tattoo) Me: You know I'm 18 so "technically" I don't have to have you'...

(My mom, while trying to help my sister write a poem for English class): Put down "I have a vagi...

Me: An old guy just asked me to dinner. Dad: And you said no!? Me: Obviously. Dad: That's a f...

Me: Can I have some orange juice? Ma: No that's for my champange, have some soda instead.

Dad: Where's your mother? Me: I don't know. Dad: It was your day to watch her!

(After trying to sneak up on my step dad who was holding some cheese.) Step-dad: NO! I AM THE CH...

Me: *explaining my grandma how to Skype with my cousin* Grandma: You girls today can use compute...