xrainbowajx

Dad: Your almost 16, you know what that means right? Me: No, what? Dad: (dead serious) I'll hav...

(talking about my mom going through menopause) Me: Why don't you just crush up some menopause me...

Mom:What are you putting in your purse? Are you sneaking booze into the bar?! Me: No, it's a bo...

Me (to brother): You're so handsome and smart! Brother: Stop it! Mom, make her stop! Mom: Stop ...

Dad: You're gonna come back from vacation and all these $#@%*^& cats are gonna be gone... except ...

Dad: Hey, you wanna go to a concert tonight? Me: Not really Dad: But you'd be helping me out ca...

*my dad always leaves some of his tea* Me: why do you always leave some? Dad: its for the fairi...

Mom: Use Condoms, if you don't you'll end up with 3 kids before you're 18. Me: Mom, its cool. I'...

Mom: Hmmmm... I definitely need a pair of those... Me: Pair of what? Mom: Vibrating panties. M...

Me: Why did you give me a car deodorizer for christmas? Grandma: To cover up the smell of pot...

Me: I don't like flying. I hate heights. And I really don't like the security guys feeling me up ...

Mom: Is like you're the ugly duckling, but instead of a swan you turned out to be a condor or som...

(brother goes to put canned cheese on a cracker) Dad: Don't touch that, that's my sexual cheese!

Me: For my birthday I would like a pair of chains (snow chains for my car we discussed about minu...

Me: I want to see him! Dad: You have video chat, don't you? Me: Fine, I want to touch him. Dad...

*My mom is leaving for New Years* Mom: I need you to watch the house and your older brother this...

Me: I'm going to get the hose to clean the paint off the porch. Brother: What are they going to ...

*Taking nasal spray* Me: How do I do this again? Mom: You have to sniff hard like you're doing ...

Me:Mom,what's the difference between a roach and a cockroach? Mom:One has a cock,and one doesn't...

(going shooting with mom, my friend and his cousin) Me: That glock hasn't been fired in about a ...