This is What NFL Team Logos Would Look Like if They Were All Designed by Hipsters

• 01

  The Patriots

  
  "Bill Belichick is rich, but he dresses like a homeless person. He's basically my hero."
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• 02

  The Jets

  
  "Come to New York and you'll see all the plebeians and their Jason Pierre-Paul jerseys. That also happens to be my boyfriend's name. No, just his first name. Jason-Pierre-Paul."
• 03

  The Bills

  
  "Small-market franchises are the best franchises, especially ones that never win. Less fans, less mainstream."
• 04

  The Dolphins

  
  "You live on land? Land? Next thing you know, you'll be telling me your favorite underground band is Mumford & Sons. Yuck."
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• 05

  The Titans

  
  "We used to be the Houston Oilers until 1998. Good for us for shedding such a filthy capitalist name."
• 06

  The Texans

  
  "I was trying to pick a number to put on my cashmere Texans jersey. I thought I should follow Matt Schaub's example, so I picked 6."
• 07

  The Colts

  
  "Just look at Andrew Luck. If that beard doesn't scream "owns a local microbrewery in Zionsville," I don't know what does."
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• 08

  The Jaguars

  
  "Can you name a single player on the Jaguars besides Maurice Jones-Drew? That's what I thought."
• 09

  The Bengals

  
  "Andy Dalton's nickname is the Red Rocket, which is also the nickname of my vintage Schwinn Phantom." Well played, Andy.
• 10

  The Browns

  
  "The helmet is now as much of an eyesore as watching the Browns play."
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• 11

  The Steelers

  
  "My Subaru gets immaculate gas mileage. Franco Harris would be proud. Not that I care. I don't care what anyone thinks."
• 12

  The Ravens

  
  "You're not a true Ravens fan until you've been shot at least three times."
• 13

  The Chiefs

  
  "Andy Reid is terrible at time management. Then again, I'm 35 and unemployed, so I can't judge him too hard."
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• 14

  The Chargers

  
  "Another year, another playoff loss. I call this my "tear coaster." #filter"
• 15

  The Broncos

  
  "Peyton Manning has more records than my vinyl collection."
• 16

  The Raiders

  
  "None of my scarves match my black and silver space pirate outfit. Whatever, I'll just listen to the game on the radio."
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• 17

  The Giants

  
  "Eli Manning is the less popular Manning brother. I love him for that."
• 18

  The Eagles

  
  "I originally thought that The Silver Linings Playbook was called The Silver Linens Playbook. More disappointing than Chip Kelly's offense."
• 19

  The Cowboys

  
  "Everything's more mainstream in Texas."
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• 20

  The Redskins

  
  "If RGIII needs a new leg brace, I've got a few pairs of skinny jeans he can have."
• 21

  The Falcons

  
  "Matt Ryan's nickname is Matty Ice, which sounds too much like Natty Ice, which is for plebeian bro scum. No thank you."
• 22

  The Buccaneers

  
  "What do you call gluten intolerance in a pirate?"
  
  "Seven Sea-liac disease. You didn't laugh? Me neither. Laughing is stupid."
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• 23

  The Saints

  
  "WHO DAT? WHO DAT? WHO DAT? No one knows, they're too underground."
• 24

  The Panthers

  
  "I wear a scarf because it can get cold down here in Charlotte. Why, just yesterday it was 65 degrees. Also, my 4.5% body fat doesn't provide much insulation."
• 25

  The Packers

  
  "We're the only publicly owned major sports franchise in North America. Also, the cheese on our heads is 100% organic and locally grown. Checkmate."
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• 26

  The Bears

  
  "Yes, my moustache looks just like Mike Ditka's. No, I don't want to join your little Superfans club. Clubs are for sheeple."
• 27

  The Lions

  
  "Detroit's population has gone down by 25% since 2000. Does that mean it's going back underground after being mainstream?"
• 28

  The Vikings

  
  "I'm squinting because I left my Ray Ban Wayfarers at home by accident. Oh well, it's not like I'd be able to see a passing game anyway."
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• 29

  The Seahawks

  
  "Russell Wilson is getting a new contract next season. It's a 7-year deal that includes a fair trade clause."
• 30

  The 49ers

  
  "The Catch is the greatest play in NFL history. Pitchfork agrees with me: they gave it a 6.4 out of 10."
• 31

  The Cardinals

  
  "I hate it here. The sun is destroying my pale complexion. Also, the energy consumption of all of the A/C units is appalling."
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• 32

  The Rams

  
  "Remember the Greatest Show on Turf? That wasn't turf. It was wheat grass. You're welcome."

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