The latest from doom75
(After taking a bite of dinner) Me: This tastes funny. Mom: The bottle said the poison was suppose to be undetectable. Me: What? Mom: What?
Me: so my friends and I decided that for senior ditch day we wanted to go visit a couple museums. Step-mom:Museums? Why can't you be a normal teenager and go get drunk or smoke pot? Me: What?! no! Dad! Are you hearing this? I want to do something intellectual! Dad: *shaking his head* Where did I go wrong?
Me: Where were you when my water broke, mom? Mom: You were a planned C-section. Dad: Yeah they just cut you right out! Nanny: And then they said, "Oh lord put it back!"
Me, coming home to find my mom watching 2 girls 1 cup: Mom! WTF?!?! My Mom: I just wanted to see what you kids are watching Me: Mom! My Mom: I've seen worse, you know
(While driving somewhere with my 5 year old sister) Me: Hey, look! The police are coming for you! Sis: *gasp* WHY?! Dad: They found out you killed Santa. Sis: I didn't! Jesus did!! Everybody: *silence*
(my dad called to wish me a happy birthday) dad: Happy birthday! Do you have a boyfriend yet? me: No. dad: You're probably the only 24 year old virgin on the planet. me: I am not! dad: Ok, there're probably some nuns.
No matter how relaxed you may be, NEVER lie down after taking a long hot shower. Your cat might want to lick the moisture off of your boob and you'll never be able to look him in the eye again. #LFMF
