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The Weirdest Things People's Co-Workers Have Done

Someone on AskReddit asked for people to share their weirdest experiences with co-workers. Everyone has that "one person" at work that just drives everyone else insane, and/or pulls the weirdest stunts. These people are really out there. 

Posted by mattstaff
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  • 1
    Text - gaqua • 8y A guy at my work, let's call him Roger, claimed you can get "high octane racing fuel" by mixing 89 Octane and 93 Octane gas in your tank. Roger told me, on my first day here, 7 years ago, that if I wanted to know any good asian massage parlors nearby, he'd recommend the "good" ones with the happy endings. First day at work.
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  • 2
    Text - He used to watch webcam girls from the Philippines on his desktop at work - stripping, doing other unsavory things, etc. Then he went over and married one and now she lives here. She's half his age and probably less than half his size. He took a Filipino co-worker to see his buddy's band at a local bar - turns out it was a biker bar frequented by a lot of some kind of Aryan Nation- style bikers. The co-worker told me that there were signs up extolling the virtues of white supremacy, and t
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  • 3
    Text - Roger at one time had some kind of narcolepsy or something, and would fall asleep in his cube. Co- workers frequently threw things at him to wake him up. The weird thing is - he's actually a pretty nice guy. If you got arrested or something, and called him at 3am to come bail you out, he'd do it, even if he'd only met you once, for like 10 minutes. He's very friendly and sociable - he's just really strange.
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  • 4
    Text - [deleted] • 8y We have a "One Upper" at work who is a gold mine. I can only recall his most recent outlandish claims. They were: He has been in 19 weddings this year. Not attended, but been in. He had an overweight friend on the TOP FLOOR of the World Trade Center on 9/11, who made it down to safely, and now runs 15 miles a day.
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  • 5
    Text - [deleted] • 8y I used to work with Brian - about 230 pounds of pure software geek. He had a full beard like Grizzly Adams. Baths and showers were not on his list of important things to do. Once we flew him to the client site to help solve a pesky problem. I reminded him to dress for the occasion. I greeted him at the front lobby and was shocked to see him with a collared shirt that had never been ironed, and his tie TIED DIRECTLY TO HIS NECK! Not under the collar, just wrapped around his
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  • 6
    Text - DavidisGoliath • 8y A direct quote: "I woke up on an old mattress next to my boyfriend's brother, in an abandoned church, wearing a bikini, in Tuscaloosa. And that was the first time l'd ever done Xanax." She also brought a pink briefcase full of dildos to work (at a law firm) because she had a sex toy party to host later in the evening. She lived in a house that didn't have a kitchen. She has 2 pet squirrels, and her husband plays in an awful nu-metal band. She also crushes pills up on h
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  • 7
    Text - missnixon • 8y Working in an open concept office where we used an instant messenger to communicate. One day working late, it's only myself and That Guy. He disappeared for 20 minutes then came back, but I didn't notice much. He types to me "Hey do you like my haircut?" and I look over and he has just LOCKED eyes with me after shaving his head with a razor in the bathroom.
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  • 8
    Text - DigitalLD • 8y A woman at my company has decided instead of paying on her student loans, she will simply get more degrees. She's 40+, on her 4th masters degree, and does nothing but complain about school work all day. Probably at least a hundred k in debt. No comprendo.
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  • 9
    Text - SamuelLChang •8y Used to work with a guy who was an excellent engineer but frequently subject to fits of rage when things didn't go well with what he was working on. Picture the scene: typical cubical farm with engineers hard at work and the only sound you hear is the sound of tapping on keyboards. Suddenly, the sound of hysterical angry cursing and someone slamming their keyboard on the desk repeatedly. Everyone leaps to their feet in alarm like a coterie of prairie dogs scanning the roo
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  • 10
    Text - p4warrior • 8y My good friend Paul works in the warehouse at our company. He's gotten into every sort of trouble imaginable: he tipped a towering stack of construction materials over the back of our yard's wall, he slammed the forklift into one of our delivery trucks when he dozed off, he's gone to the wrong construction site a hundred miles away from the intended delivery site. But he's a genuinely good-hearted guy, and the company's had mercy on him. He's still with us. Tons of funny st
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  • 11
    Text - Paul's an Iron Maiden fan, and he's always singing while he works. Well, one day, Paul decides to sing a parody version of "Caught Somewhere in Time" with the clever lyrics of "Caught With Shaft in Hand." So he's just belting these inappropriate lyrics out as he moseys over towards the will-call counter. Who should walk in but one of the sales directors, giving a tour of the warehouse to a new (female) salesperson.
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  • 12
    Text - Paul rounds the corner, contiuning the chorus with, "CAAAAUGHT WITH SHAAAAFT IN HAAAAAA..." and bumps into the sales director. He plays if off like nothing happened, shakes his hand and the hand of the new employee, who are both giving him odd looks. To add to the hilarity, when they finally depart, we notice his fly's been down the entire time.
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  • 13
    Text - dd4y • 8y I worked at a mine in northern Manitoba. One of the old miners was a guy named Jack Bones (not made up). Jack was known for having the largest penis around. Every night when the miners come up from underground, they shower before going home in large open shower rooms. Whenever there was a new rookie working there, Jack would make a point of showering beside him. He would lather up his privates with soap and then proceed to use a huge floor scrubbing brush to scrub his dick, ther
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  • 14
    Text - corrupted_one • 8y I worked with a guy who put up a very small picture on his cubicle wall of a political figure that killed millions of people. A coworker finally noticed it and we all started talking about it, many of us thinking it is similar to having a picture of Hitler. Since we were all mellow programmers, we said fuck it and moved on. But every few weeks or so, he would replace it with a slightly bigger picture than the last. At one point, it was taking up most of the cubicle wall
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  • 15
    Text - Serendipitee • 8y I doubt anybody will see this, as late as l am, but I feel compelled to share. Don't discount "that guy" too quickly. An old friend of mine used to share stories about a coworker that would always say and do wildly inappropriate things, much along the lines of the OPs examples and including picking food off said friend's plate in the break room (uninvited, of course). My friend was nice to the guy anyway, despite the annoyances, and considered him a friend.
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  • 16
    Text - Anyway, long story short, my friend died suddenly one day after he'd quit his job with "that guy" a while back. The guy was on his facebook friends and ended up producing quite an outpouring of feelings and sympathy with the family and friends of the deceased. He would note every time he drove by my friend's old house or anything, and not obnoxiously, but in a very genuine and caring way. He was very kind and supportive to all of us that were grieving. He obviously was a very caring and f
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  • 17
    Text - The moral of the story? Some of those guys are just totally weird, but some are actually really nice people that just don't know how to interact well. Give them a chance and you might make an invaluable friend for life (and death). This guy was far more loyal than the trite "normal" people my friend had worked with, some of which made brief and non-sentimental remarks on his death. "That guy" seemed to be the only one that was really, truly affected by it. tl;dr socially inept nerds have
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  • 18
    Text - RPShep • 8y I've got one. Among other things, he: • Insisted that UPS trucks can't go in reverse. We told him that that was ridiculous, but he insisted. He wouldn't let it drop until we actually called UPS to ask. Their reaction was fantastic. Always bragged about how his girlfriend was a virgin before she met him, but also bragged about how he was the best she'd ever had.
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  • 19
    Text - • He eventually married this girl. After which, he once said, and I quote, "she's my property and I own her." • Insisted that the speed limit inside the facility that we worked was 10 mph while standing next to a sign that said 15 mph. When this was pointed out to him, he said that the sign was wrong. Once told us that the Spanish Channel (a US channel by the way) was broadcast from Brazil (a Portuguese speaking country). His proof? His Hispanic wife told him so. She didn't even speak Spa
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    mattstaff
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