Woman Gives Synopsis of Jesus Time Travel Assassination Movie

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Eric Lund
Apr 28, 2020 4:00 PM EDT

Apparently Assassin 33 AD just came out and it has a few people confused. Honestly, it's extremely hard to tell from the reviews and trailers if this is some low budget goofball satire, weird fundamentalist propaganda or an ill-fated sci-fi christian fever dream. Laura Robinson gives an interesting account on the film.

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  • 01
    Text - Text - 8:36 Thread Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h There is a deadly serious Christian action movie about Muslims who invent time travel so they can go back in time and kill Jesus so he can't die for our sins and of course my husband bought it because he's an actual monster. Q 87 2727 444 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h My husband finds this hilarious. I have cringed myself in to a back injury from which I will never recover. 04 109 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h As an adult convert t
    via LauraRbnsn
  • 02
    Text - 8:36 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 14h A doubting Christian just shot Jesus in the head with an automatic pistol. The doubting Christian acknowledged that when Jesus died, he was speaking English. 70 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I would bet that the science research involved in this movie came from watching LOST. 03 73 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h The love interest was just shot in the abdomen. Our hero took off all his clothes but his tighty-whities and sneakers to make a bandage.
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  • 03
    Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h That said, the black guy is confessing to Jesus right now that he doesn't like the movie Passion of the Christ and it's pretty funny but also looks like a South Park scene. 91 ♡ 77 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I am so uncomfortable. 01 O 61 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn Jesus and the black guy are now casually referring to Passion of the Christ as "my movie/your movie." Jesus knows about the movie Passion of the Christ and he really likes it. 6:52 PM
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  • 04
    Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Replying to @LauraRbnsn There's another hour left of this movie so there's plenty of time for me to find a divorce lawyer. O 95 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h A time traveller just had his watch stolen by a Roman. O 2 O 62 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I'm actually eliminating some key plot surprises from this twitter thread because I want you guys to experience the insane surprises for yourselves. 59 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h I cannot ove
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  • 05
    Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h My jaw is on the floor. Whatever you're imagining right now, it's so much crazier than you think. 58 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn - 13h Also the black guy just said "mucho gracias" to Mary Magdalene because she said "Rabboni." Q2 63 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h A man holds his dying friend in his arms. "God has a place for you in heaven! It's a frat house! *sob* With lots of beer!" 3 ♡ 49 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h This movie is painfully, wor
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  • 06
    Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h Turns out you can forgive someone in one timeline and stab them to death for killing your girlfriend in another and Jesus still counts it. 44 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 13h "Use your Bible app!" - An action movie. ♡ 42 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 12h I am gobsmacked. That movie truly has to be seen to be believed. Jim Carroll, I expect a cut from the proceeds of people who will rent that on my "recommendation," as it were. That was a wild and (unfo
    via LauraRbnsn
  • 07
    Text - 8:37 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h Oh, one more thing: despite the thoroughgoing Islamophobia, there's an interesting detail where a character says that Muslims wouldn't kill Jesus because of his prophetic status, and someone corrects her that the villains "aren't Muslims, they're extremists." 01 Laura Robinson @LauraRbnsn · 1h I don't know if that was a cynical line thrown in to say "Look, we aren't Islamophobic" or expresses the genuine conviction of the filmmakers, but either way it
    via LauraRbnsn

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