CheezCake

My Dating Nightmare: Guy Was A Compulsive Liar, Still Living At His Parents

  • My worst tinder date ever was quite a doozy.

    Face - SAHJAN. TUMBLR So pathetic.

    After spending three months quarantined in my tiny one-bedroom apartment alone with my cats the city gave the green light for outdoor dining and I decided what better time than ever to jump back into the (socially distanced) dating game? 

    I downloaded Tinder (for the fifth time) and was ready to seize the day.

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  • David loved travelling and seemed super smart and accomplished.

    Denim

    I matched with David.

    While chatting via text, David mentioned that he owns a home in Connecticut, and has a place in the city. David also said he was an avid traveler who was always up for an exotic adventure.

    What intrigued me the most was that he said he started his own hedge fund.

  • Or so it seemed.

    Face - BACHELOR Everything about you is the perfect match for me

    Being that I am also a business owner who makes it very clear that I am looking for someone who can share my passion for traveling the world, I thought this may be quite the match. 

    Wrong. So wrong.

  • Once we met up, one thing became very clear...

    Tattoo

    David and I ended up meeting at a charming little Italian establishment to get better acquainted in person later that week. 

    As we sat down for drinks, I asked David to tell me about the exotic travels he mentioned while chatting via text and what is next on his bucket list when the pandemic is finally over.

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  • That I was wrong about him. So wrong.

    Eyewear - #cbcdragonsden WHAT THE HELL?

    He began to go into detail about these 'worldly' adventures…

    To Alabama.

    And South Dakota.

    In his minivan.

  • He had zero desire to travel outside the country...

    Hair - Are you f**king serious?

    He also informed me that he has never even left the country, and has ZERO desire to so.

    Here I am looking for a partner to join me on future trips to Cambodia or Amsterdam, and this asshole is trying to tell me how much fun it is to sleep in the back of a Town & Country and shower with baby wipes.

  • Turns out we had different ideas of what constitutes 'travelling'.

    Face

    No thanks, bruh.

    "So…I thought you said you loved seeing other countries. We had like, a ten-minute text exchange about how it is our favorite thing to do," I reminded him.

    "Oh, well I feel like traveling is traveling. I don't need to leave the country to do it. I think it's a waste of money," David explained, drastically changing his tune from the conversation we had prior.

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  • He also lived between his brother and his parents...

    Speech

    After explaining to me how he has debilitating ADHD and has dated several women who went to rehab for alcohol abuse, mister 'I-have-a-house-in-Connecticut-and-a-place-in-the-city' proceeded to tell me that he lives with his brother and his family in Connecticut and doesn't have to pay rent so long as he watches the kids when need be.

  • And, he was actually an Uber driver.

    Cartoon - SO YOU OWN A HEDGE FUND, BUT LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS AND DRIVE FOR UBER ON THE SIDE?

    Oh yeah, and 'his' place in the city actually belongs to his parents, but he can crash on the couch whenever he wants. As for the 'hedge fund,' he said it was a bit of a 'work in progress,' but for now, he was using his minivan to be an Uber driver in Connecticut.

    Needless to say, this wasn't a match and my worst Tinder date ever and I am going back into quarantine.

  • It was a no from me. Here's how well he took it.

    Text - Hey so did you get any sleep last night or were you too busy thinking about what an awesome date that was? No I was definitely sleeping So what do you think? Are we going to have round 2? I had fun last night. Thank you for a nice evening but I don't see us wrking as a couple Ok fair enough. any reason in particular? O e Traveling abroad often is just a big thing for me and you mentioned you had no desire to do so and I am looking for someone to do that with. Clearly we just differ in tha

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