Memes & Tweets Filled With Unhelpful Advice

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    Text - LITTLE JOSEPH @casablankstare Life hack: save time by crying about two things at the same time
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    Advertising - DON'T WASTE PUMPKIN A GOOD "HALLOWEEN" IS OVER, BUT THERE ARE MANY SCIENTIFIC PUMPKIN APPLICATIONS Cat Helmets Earth Friendly Diapers Plastic diapers are bad for our earth. A pumpkin diaper can come right off and help fertilize new growth! Vegetarian Thanks- Giving Feline concussions don't have to happen. A pumpkin helmet can prevent severe cat brain damage. Save your pumpkin a month and save money on turkey. You'll also learn how age affects a vegetable's taste.
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    Text - Katherine @MageOfSolitude Autumn is the perfect time to work on your beech body, gnarled and mossy and deep in a haunted forest, visited only by owls and deer and foxes and ghosts, whispered secrets to by the stars
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    Text - Here's What You Should do if You're Taking a Bath and Suddenly You Wonder, "Am I Soup?" STEP ONE: Check tub to see what it's filled with. STEP TWO: If tub is filled with carrots, celery, onions, and vegetable stock, you are soup. STEP THREE: If tub is filled with just water, you are still soup, but it won't be as flavorful.
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    Drink - BEST RAINY DAY ACTIVITIES Staying in bed Reading a book Standing motionless in a haunted cemetery Coffee obvious plant
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    Text - too many bills to pay? not liking your current life? Dont know what to do? Become A Crab Rangoon! - Golden Tan - Very Hot - Loved by Millions - Fatter the Better - No Responsibilities
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    Tire - Protect your privacy by cutting off the antenna the government put on your car tires
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    Text - Kyle Y @KylePlantEmoji "I can't, too busy": - no one believes you - tired - allows for future invitations "I can't. Not since the accident" - mysterious - fresh - prevents future invitations
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    Text - USING DATING APPS • exhausting & boring • you get too many replies or no replies at all HANGING OUT WITH RACCOONS YOU MET IN AN ALLEY • exciting & fun • they won't mind if you complain about your ex • they'll teach you to hotwire cars
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    Text - petersack @petersack16 @moa_wearemoa Life is short. Write that novel. Paint that painting. Try that recipe. Hang out with friends. Form a militia. Create a compound. Acquire weapons. Rush Area-51. Regroup. Discuss a stateless society. Knit that sweater. Take that vacation. 14:14 · 7/10/19 Twitter for iPhone
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    Text - ALA hea BATHROOM TIP. If you cry in the shower it looks like you're extra good at crying.
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    Text - arahir zan Following @tagteamme Replying to @arahir i'm TELLING ya!!! comic sans makes the words fly out like you're shooting them out of a rocket launcher it's true serainechor update: this actually works. i'm so angry. vsquaredk my friend told me about this and I laughingly suggested it to my wife (who had a good number of essays to write and less than a week to write them). She finished 3 essays in 2 days using comic sans. She was livid.
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    Text - memewhore Jason @longwall26 It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby. trveroman Concept- someone tries this trick with a cursed halrpin or some bullshit, but the malevolent old woman whose spirit inhabits the object instead grows very fond of the baby. Now, the parents not only have to deal with the child, but the blood- soaked, horrific specter that plays games with the baby and rocks it to sleep from beyond the gr
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    Text - Ygrene @Ygrene The trick to doing crimes is to wait until after 5pm when all the police have gone home for the day 8:58 PM · 2019-06-17 · Twitter for iPhone 453 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 2,558 Likes
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    Cartoon - NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE WITHOUT KNOWING THE WHOLE STORY He is so negative Yes, he is weird Let's not talk to him Giant rocks tethers the rocks chafes his torso The leather belt than are tied to him Currently boing Insulted The rocks aro inscribed with by three VICE his burdens and faults icture freelancers Bad @su siy Disquieting Smirk posture
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    Text - Andrew G. @marginoferror Don't fight a cat. Use your brain. Use drugs. (From a veterinary textbook) Normal Hypertbyrod Oter and athere 19ne) 7 Pretty sound advice e fandling: General considerations The cat is faster and has sharper teeth and nails than you do. It has no 'code of ethics' or considerations for its own future. In a fair fight it will win. 1. DON'T FIGHT A CAT 2. USE YOUR BRAIN 3. USE DRUGS
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    Text - elizabeth @prvserpine Be the Persephone you want to see in the world. Add pomegranate seeds to your salad. Wear autumn's decay like a perfume and spring's soft blooming like jewelry. Weave flower crowns in a cemetery. Write love poems to death. Capture your beloved dark god.
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    Text - baby beholder @AxolotICure "Ladies and gentlemen" is boring and gendered. Consider replacing it with "friends and enemies." II Gender neutral v Exciting / Informs the spies in your midst that you're on to them. Drives home the point that one is either with you or against you.
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    Text - viking @NOTVIKING whenever i get change from a store i always put it in a little jar when i get home. it doesn't seem like a lot but over time it adds up so on a rainy day when i'm hungry and don't have lunch money i can just go into my piggy bank and eat the coins
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    Text - thisishangingrockcomics u have to sit on some soft grass or, a mattress in the sun sometimes to give your shadow a soft place to rest. she's always on that pavement.. cement... floorboards... it's not good for her taylor-ruth I want everyone 2 know was on lethal amounts of Benadryl when I made this post.
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    Text - Public Speaking Tip Forget nudity! When you give a speech, picture everyone as a dog because dogs are not judgmental and will like O you no matter what.
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    Text - Sara K. Runnels @omgskr saying "thank you" when someone compliments you - boring - obvious - ends conversation saying "omg GO ON" when someone compliments you - funny - unexpected - increases your chances of more compliments
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    Text - TechnicallyRon @TechnicallyRon You can't outrun your problems but you can jog slightly in front of them and pretend you can't hear them because you have your headphones on
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    Text - laura flores @soyeah_imlauraa + close ur tabs. If it's meant to be, you'll find ur way back*+ 3:43 PM · 2020-08-18 · Twitter for iPhone 20.3K Retweets and comments 161K Likes
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    Flower - savagely beat your negative thoughts with a wrench
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    Text - @velmawithagun no more being the bigger person ima start biting people 11:54 AM · 6/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone
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    Text - Doth @DothTheDoth Start off each morning with a cup of coffee, respect that time wants you dead, be good to each other & then disappear beyond the tree line. 9:55 AM · 2020-08-06 · Twitter for iPhone 1,041 Retweets and comments 3,599 Likes
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    Life's short. Buy those shoes, miss this month's rent, lose your job, get evicted, lose your friends, ruin your fucking life. Treat yourself.


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