'Dear Karen': The New Advice Column Dishing Out Entitlement On A Weekly Basis

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abbyadler
Oct 14, 2021 3:00 PM EDT

Another week, another boatload of problems that your local neighborhood Karen will humbly and happily solve for you. At this point, you already know that Karen knows best. Let her take the wheel, and drive you straight into the entitled life you've always dreamed of with her first-rate advice.

You should all be thankful that we, the Cheezcake team, we're able to lock down our own resident Karen. This is a huge deal! They are very hard to work with considering how often they have complaints. No worries though, we have found that as long as you stroke their ego on a daily basis, they will basically do whatever you want. So don't feel afraid to ask for some advice. We know our Karen is happy to deliver, at least today. We'll update you if something changes. Karen's do tend to be unpredictable.

For more incredible advice from Karen, email dearkaren.cheezcake@gmail.com. 

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  • Facial expression - Dear Karen.. I ordered a Fiesta Taco Salad at Taco Bell, and asked for extra meat, queso, and guacamole, only to be informed by the cashier - and his manager - that I would have to pay extra! Are they trying to deter me from my diet?! I ended up ordering a 7-Layer Burrito and Cinnabon EXTRA GUAC. shameless TME Delights. Trying my best :( What should I do? clean Eating chic
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  • Font - Dear Clean Eating chic, Sounds like they were simply jealous of your clean-eating physique, and as a result, attempted to drive you into gluttony. They are obviously the ones to blame for destroying your diet habits. It's time to blast every single one of their social media pages 88 across the nation in order to make it known that Taco Bell bullies its clientele into eating unhealthy food. - Karen
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  • Font - Dear Karen. I tried walking into a Starbucks two minutes before closing time, but the door was already locked and the staff motioned that they were closed. They ignored me as I COFFEE IS LIFE calmly explained to them that it was in fact, not closing time yet. I take my coffee very seriously, so I began banging on the doors, which led to Starbucks security telling me if didn't leave, they would call the police. So I went to Tim Horton's, but FREE mBurlap Sacks! I'm a bigger fan of Starbuck
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  • Purple - Dear Coffee Fanatic. I commend you for standing your ground. Unfortunately, security always foils our best efforts. Next time, I 88 would recommend barricading the doors with your body when the staff tries to leave. They disrespected the customer's time...
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  • Facial expression - Hence, it's inevitable that you disrespect their time...If they go through with calling the police, simply explain to the officer what happened. 88 Surely, you'll be leaving the scene with your coffee in - Karen hand.
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  • Terrestrial plant - Dear Karen.. My neighbors have no idea how to maintain their garden. The grass is always too long, and their flowers and plants are atrocious. When I suggested other options, they assumed I was joking and laughed. It's a major eyesore on my leisurely walks around the neighborhood every day. What should I do? - Garden Gnome
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  • Purple - Dear Garden Gnome, Such a shame that your neighbors are ruining the wholesome neighborhood aesthetic! There are generally town guidelines that determine how long grass is allowed to be, and I have a feeling your neighbors won't match up with them. Call the police to 88 ensure they will adhere to guidelines in the future...
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  • Organism - To make up for their poor taste, I would suggest planting your foliage of choice in the garden during the early morning hours so they'll wake up to a wonderful neighborly 88 surprise. They'll love you all the more for it. - Karen
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  • Purple - /// Any burning personal questions you would love to ask Karen? Email us at dearkaren.cheezcakeegmail.com A CHEEZCAKE FEATURE
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    Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor.

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