Eight Ways Super Bowl Sunday Is Designed To Screw Women Over

• The Classic Super Bowl Beverage: Beer.

  

  The drink of American dreams, we get it. But does it really have to contain so many damn calories?! Like, we should at least waste those calories on all the drool-worthy Superbowl food. Before you say a health-conscious girl like me should just refrain from funneling beer, shut TF up. If it's on the table, I'm sure as hell downing the entire pitcher.

  
  

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• The classic “I only watch it for the commercials” sentiment.

  

  Pro tip: if you're really just here for the commercials, you could just enjoy them afterward instead of sitting through about three hours of sports. The same goes for the Halftime Show. Because in what other world would you subject yourself to such torture other than in the Super Bowl world?

  
  

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• No one cares about the super cute foot-ball themed outfit you meticulously planned.

  

  You're a sucker for themed parties. Naturally, you worked really hard on putting your Super Bowl ensemble together. But everyone's too focused on the goddamn TV to pay you even one measly compliment and be appreciative towards your efforts and genius. Whatevs, they're obviously low-brow peasants. Remember that you're worth the whole damn bunch put together!

  
  

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• The players’ super tight uniforms.

  

  They look hot AF, which is precisely the problem. I mean, who allowed their butts to look cuter than yours? No wonder nobody's checking you out - they're too busy starting at the regulation hottie jocks on TV!

  
  

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• Fueling every guy’s addiction to Fantasy Football.

  

  Spending real money on pretending to be the manager of American football teams is delusional enough as it is. The Super Bowl only reignites the dumb desire to participate in such plebian pursuits.

  
  

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• Your freak flag cannot truly fly at this kind of soiree.

  

  You're stuffing your face, you're guzzling beer, and you look cute as heck. In theory, this sounds like your kinda party. However, everyone's too busy sitting on their asses and yelling at the TV to establish the Super Bowl as a legit hoedown throwdown. Like, if the Super Bowl was just background noise, your inner social butterfly would totally thrive. But nooo, it had to be the centerpiece of this lame gathering. Why'd you even bother leaving the house for this?

  
  

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• The inevitable food coma.

  

  As if Mondays weren't bad enough, the Super Bowl has you starting off this week in a lazy food coma. As much as you enjoyed all the buffalo wings, fried pickles, and guacamole, they have left you out of commission for at least a couple of days. Good thing you're WFH.

  
  

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• All the hype surrounding this one game.

  

  When it comes down to it, the Super Bowl is just another football game. Sorry, but it's true. Nonetheless, with all the excitement surrounding this event on an annual basis, the horrid FOMO will continue to rear its ugly head. And for this reason, you'll inevitably be back next year to do the whole thing all over again.

  Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our YouTube Channel

  
  

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