The Seven Typical Mansplainers You'll Meet On Twitter
You've heard of mansplainers, and you've heard of Twitter. But what happens when you put these two concepts together? An obnoxiously loud virtual boombox spewing bullsh*t you didn't want to hear today - or ever. You've tried to escape the mansplainers on every corner at work, college, subway, and even the grocery store. You can run, but you can't hide forever. With a keyboard at their fingertips, the mansplainer will inevitably find you.
Twitter provides the mansplainer creature with the outlet he's been looking for. The platform allows him to intrude on any conversation with his superior expertise, knowledge, and opinions, even though nobody asked for them. Here are the mansplainers of the Twittersphere - read it and weep, ladies!
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The Sexpert
Struggling to reach the Big O? Five minutes alone with him, and you'll finish before he barely even started. He has a deep understanding of the inner workings of a woman, and naturally, it's his obligation to guide you to climax. Or at least that's what he'll tell you to get in your pants, then proceed to get only himself off.
(Disclaimer: I'm aware that Your_Fuckboy is a satire account, but I'm curious to know if this guy practices what he preaches. Asking for a friend, of course).
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The Gynecologist
Closely related to the sexpert, the gynecologist is convinced he has a degree in female anatomy. Menstrual cramps? You're just hungry and tired. Prescription: A Snickers and a nap. Yeast infection? Yuck, put some Windex on it. Chest swelling? It's because you haven't shown him your boobs.
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The History Master
Doesn't matter if you have a PhD. on the subject. Women didn't play as much of an integral role as men did throughout the course of history, therefore it's pretty much impossible for you to have a grasp on history like he does. There's a reason called HIStory - duh. No worries - he'll teach you every history fact that he read on high-quality conspiracy theory websites.
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The Medical Health “Professional”
You may be a doctor, but his sister-in-law's cousin is also a doctor. By default, he probably knows more than you. This well-read "professional" takes people's health very seriously, and you should consider yourself lucky to have access to his guidance.
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The Lost Boy
He thinks he's a champion of women's rights, but evidently, he doesn't have a f*cking clue or a grip on reality. Breaking news: the feminists you claim aren't defending women's rights have been going at it for a century, and then some. Stay in your lane.
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The Ultimate Mansplainer
No matter how much you make it clear that you do, in fact, know a thing or two about what is being discussed, he simply cannot wrap his head around the fact that little old you has the ability to learn and retain information. To be fair, sometimes I'm surprised at how much info my brain can retain given all the binge drinking.
Unclear if the guy in the tweet thread above is just another Twitter troll, but if so, props to you, my dude!
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The Self-Aware Stud
One of the true homies on the Twitter-sphere. He likes to crack jokes at your expense, but at the end of the day, he understands your womanly struggles and calls other guys out for their sh*t on a regular basis. God bless him.
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